I communicated with a guy online that a friend of mine had given my messenger address to, we chatted for about two months. At that point it just seemed natural for us to meet for lunch to see where our budding relationship might go. He lived over 100 miles away from me, so it was quite a commitment on his part to meet me at my house. I was rather shocked when my much anticipated date shows up in this old junker truck!
I greeted him at the door and was completely underwhelmed to say the least. He looked like he just came from a construction site, he was completely unkempt and his clothes were dirty, dusty and smelly. He told me that I would have to drive his truck to the restaurant. When I asked why he told me he was afraid that his foot would go through the floor as it was rotted away and he wasn’t sure if the piece of cardboard and duct tape he had placed there would hold.
We decided to go to an Chinese buffet. It was nice and the food was very good. Things seemed to be looking up a bit, but that was short lived. After telling me how nice I looked, always nice to hear, he proceeded to tell me that he only had two toes on one foot (like I really gave a shit) and how he had lost them as a child playing with his father's rifle. He said that he had told me that he had a job so that I would not think him a loser. He was about to be evicted from his friends garage of all things. That was where he was living. He then told me he had no job prospects, no money and he knew he was not too attractive. He sobbed and cried hysterically saying if I didn’t want him he was going to shoot off the toes on his other foot. Rather than beat him about the head and shoulders with a baseball bat like I desperately wanted to, I just bit my tongue and consoled him. I said that he just had to be patient and the right one would come along. It just would not be me. He paid for lunch and then he took me back to my apartment.
As we stood at my apartment door he remembered that he had bought a gift for me and that he had left it in the truck. He asked me what my favorite colour was and I said it was yellow. He then ran down the hall in excitement. I wondered what the heck he could have for me that was yellow, and I soon found out. I was totally stunned when he returned with his yellow gift. A bunch of bananas for crying out loud. I was completely speechless. He then proceeded to tell me he had to spend the night because he had had a little too much to drink and didn’t want to get caught driving. Holy cow! I tried to push him out the door. I could not budge him so I did the only thing I could do. I attacked him with my bananas, hurling them at him until he backed up into the hall, then I slammed the door! He pounded on the door for me to let him in but I would not budge. I told him to pack up his bananas, especially the one in his pants and leave, or I would call the cops. Thank God he left.
It proved to be a costly date. I felt compelled to move, and change my messenger id and email address. My friends know better than to give out my information to casual acquaintances anymore.
I guess I will try a dating site next. At least they can keep your information private as they fix you up; not like my friends. Hopefully the guys on the dating site will not think that the best gift that they have to give is a banana..
Online Dating Sites
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