This is an summation of my thoughts on using Internet Dating Sites to find love online. I have observed the online dating industry for some time now, more as a curiosity than as a member. I joined several dating sites some years ago and ended up getting caught up in how it is that people interact online versus real life. I have also discussed dating and relationships extensively with people I have met who are/were in all types and phases of relationships.So what have I found?Perhaps not too much that has not already been discussed by others in the past, but perhaps with a different twist on it. Offline dating has been going on for thousands of years, and I doubt if anyone today could actually find much to add to the existing literature. I will therefore not try to pontificate in any manner on that aspect of dating, other than to note that most people tend to date within an extended community of friends for the most part. Internet dating, which is a higher tech offshoot of the matchmaking services that have been around for hundreds of years, is a relatively new beast, and as such, there are some insights that can be passed on that most people have yet to learn. So lets start with some popular misconceptions:Dating Sites Have Wonderful Matching Algorithms That Guarantee Me a Perfect MatchFalse – The first is that, quite frankly, people lie when they put up their profile information. Garbage in is Garbage out – lets see the brainiacs at the dating sites program around that one. I Do Not Have To Work As Hard On A Dating Site To Find Someone I LikeFalse – Once you find someone you are interested in, no matter what the relationship you desire, to get on top of it, you have to spend a lot of time getting to know the person. And at some point you will become comfortable that they are not blowing smoke up your tush. If not, all bets are off and you are back to square one looking for someone else who interests you.Internet Dating Sites Are More Likely To Find Someone For Me To DateTrue – If you are a person who uses dating to interact with someone that you are interested in; then a dating site is likely to connect you with many more people than you can possibly find via your own means offline.Dating Sites Are Better At Connecting You To Your Soul Mate.False – Quantity does not equal quality. Just because you can see and interact with a lot more people online than you can in real life does not mean that you are being exposed to quality people that you have any real compatibility with, and even if you are compatible from an intellectual point of view, there is no guarantee that you will find the chemistry with them that you need to achieve soul mate status.So What Good Are Dating Sites AnywayThey are dynamite if you are willing to be open and look outside of your normal comfort zone for possible matches. They are good for people who have not been successful finding their soul mate in real life because quite frankly they are looking for the wrong type of person in the wrong places. If you approach online dating with an open mind, you will likely be able to interact with many more disparate people then you normally hang out with, and in that process, discover more about what you like in other people, which may just change your mind about who you need in your life to complete you.You should approach using a dating site as you would approach using any new tool that can improve your productivity. It is possible for someone to use a tool incorrectly and end up being hurt. It is possible to be sloppy how you use a tool and end up getting inferior results (don't blame the tool). If you take the time to learn the advantages and disadvantages of the tool, and employ that tool correctly, then you have the optimal chance of finding your perfect match.So, open your heart and give online dating a try.You can start here:
http://www.top100datingpersonals.com/onlinedating.php
This article is focused on the use of online dating sites to find love and happiness. By direct observation, I have seen dozens of people succeed in finding a solid life partner using online dating sites, but I have also seen many more fail. As a member of several dating sites over the years, I have seen first hand how it is that people interact both successfully and unsuccessfully. I have also tapped into my own extensive circle of friends and acquaintances in this same time period and also witnessed most aspects of the offline dating world as well.
So what have I found?
Interestingly enough, not much that has not already been discussed before.
When it comes to people meeting in real life, well, that has been going on for millennium, I have absolutely nothing to add on this topic that has not already been hashed out by writers since the time that man first developed writing.
When it comes to Internet Dating, which has only been in existence since about 1995 or so, there are some insights that can be shared.
So lets start with some popular misconceptions:
Dating Sites Have Wonderful Matching Algorithms That Guarantee Me a Perfect Match
False – Some dating sites work very hard trying to perfect their compatibility algorithms but some others just use superficial matching criteria – what is interesting is that neither extreme of these sites perform statistically better than the other. The reason is that, quite frankly, there are two main obstacles that cannot be overcome when you are trying to match by formula.
I Do Not Have To Work As Hard On A Dating Site To Find Someone I Like
False – To make a long story short, it takes a lot of time getting to know anyone that you hope to be your life partner. You just cannot take any shortcuts here. In fact, for this aspect of using a dating site it takes more effort because of the anonymous nature of the environment. Everyone is using made up handles, so it is not as if you can check with a mutual friend to see what they are really like.
Internet Dating Sites Are More Likely To Find Someone For Me To Date
True – There is just so many people and so much selection on dating sites, it is almost a walk in the park to find someone to date (for a walk in the park of course).
Dating Sites Are Better At Connecting You To Your Soul Mate.
False – Quantity does not equal quality. Just because you can see and interact with a lot more people online than you can in real life does not mean that you are being exposed to quality people that you have any real compatibility with, and even if you are compatible from an intellectual point of view, there is no guarantee that you will find the chemistry with them that you need to achieve soul mate status.
So What Good Are Dating Sites Anyway They are dynamite if you are willing to be open and look outside of your normal comfort zone for possible matches. They are good for people who have not been successful finding their soul mate in real life because quite frankly they are looking for the wrong type of person in the wrong places. The secret with online dating is to open yourself up to other possibilities that you might not have looked at before. Be willing to be disappointed with each person that you connect with, but also be willing to be entranced. You might be shocked at the person who ends up winning your heart.
You should approach using a dating site as you would approach using any new tool that can improve your productivity. It is possible for someone to use a tool incorrectly and end up being hurt. It is possible to be sloppy how you use a tool and end up getting inferior results (don't blame the tool). If you take the time to learn the advantages and disadvantages of the tool, and employ that tool correctly, then you have the optimal chance of finding your perfect match.
So, open your heart and give online dating a try.
You can start here:
http://www.top100datingpersonals.com/onlinedating.php
This is a totally unscientific rant based on my own observations of people both in real life and on dating sites. By direct observation, I have seen dozens of people succeed in finding a solid life partner using online dating sites, but I have also seen many more fail. As a member of several dating sites over the years, I have seen first hand how it is that people interact both successfully and unsuccessfully. I have also discussed dating and relationships extensively with people I have met who are/were in all types and phases of relationships.
So what have I found?
Perhaps not too much that has not already been discussed by others in the past, but perhaps with a different twist on it.
Offline dating has been going on for thousands of years, and I doubt if anyone today could actually find much to add to the existing literature. I will therefore not try to pontificate in any manner on that aspect of dating, other than to note that most people tend to date within an extended community of friends for the most part.
Internet dating, which is a higher tech offshoot of the matchmaking services that have been around for hundreds of years, is a relatively new beast, and as such, there are some insights that can be passed on that most people have yet to learn.
So lets start with some popular misconceptions:
Dating Sites Have Wonderful Matching Algorithms That Guarantee Me a Perfect Match
False – No matter how hard dating sites work at perfecting their compatibility formulas, they are handicapped by customers who lie about themselves, and customers who really have no idea what it is they are looking for. When it comes to relationships, people are much better at saying what they do not want than what they do want.
It Is Less Work To Find My Match On a Dating Site
False – Once you find someone you are interested in, no matter what the relationship you desire, to get on top of it, you have to spend a lot of time getting to know the person. And at some point you will become comfortable that they are not blowing smoke up your tush. If not, all bets are off and you are back to square one looking for someone else who interests you.
Internet Dating Sites are a Great Place To Find People to Date
True – There is just so many people and so much selection on dating sites, it is almost a walk in the park to find someone to date (for a walk in the park of course).
Internet Dating Sites Are More Likely To Find My Soul Mate.
False – Quantity does not equal quality. Just because you can see and interact with a lot more people online than you can in real life does not mean that you are being exposed to quality people that you have any real compatibility with, and even if you are compatible from an intellectual point of view, there is no guarantee that you will find the chemistry with them that you need to achieve soul mate status.
So Why Would I Use An Internet Dating Site Then?They are dynamite if you are willing to be open and look outside of your normal comfort zone for possible matches. They are good for people who have not been successful finding their soul mate in real life because quite frankly they are looking for the wrong type of person in the wrong places. If you approach online dating with an open mind, you will likely be able to interact with many more disparate people then you normally hang out with, and in that process, discover more about what you like in other people, which may just change your mind about who you need in your life to complete you.
If you approach education with an open mind, you will get 10 times as much out of it than you would if you try to educate yourself within your existing limits of knowledge and biases when you first start the process. Similarly, with dating sites, if you approach them with an open mind, and are willing to interact with people that you would not normally associate with in your normal day-to-day life, you may just find that the love of your life is not what your brain thought it was looking for.
So, open your heart and give online dating a try.
You can start here:
http://www.top100datingpersonals.com/onlinedating.php
